Here it is, the very beginning to who the hell knows what’s next, maybe it’s a travel blog, a philosophical diary, a load of nonsense by some homeless nomad who’s travelled for way to long away from what most could defy as a Normal, conventional life.
And I suppose I should start with an introduction?
My name is matt, and that’s all, nothing more then a travelling shadow.
A rare yet common presence.
I have never thought of any other name for myself, nor have I been able to. I have tried, for any situation, a username, a name for this blog, an emo name, a hippie name, a name to hide my real name from the government and the 1%, a name to state my own individuality, I am hopeless as thinking of what to say or do, or I am too overly obsessed with being out of the “norm”, you know that way every single person on this planet is the same?, no matter how you try to branch off and break away from the cliché” try to be indie-pendent, and to defy the rules of fashion, be you own individual? The idea to just be me has haunted my existence since I can remember, I was bullied, for nothing for the awesome person that I was, I have no idea why people are so mean, though to this day it reveals itself in adult life as inner insecurities, kids are just mean.
The point being from a younger age I was searching for who I needed to be to feel accepted, what I needed to do in life, what was my purpose? All of this opportunity in the world and no-one telling me to grab ahold of it,
It felt like everything I ever did, all I ever said was shut down and I was given no support in my creative nature, my confidence to believe in myself and accept what I knew became a frustration and after have being fed medication most on my adolescent life I was thrown out into the world in a confused withdrawal, where the fuck am I and what can I do to calm the storm inside my mind, why must we all follow this fabricated idea that we need the perfect career, something that makes you money, find a husband/wife, get married, have some kids, contribute selfishly to the worlds overpopulate status as it is all ready far beyond its limits, maybe its so you can feel like you have accomplished something in this short time we all have to live, maybe its how we all find true happiness or maybe its just in blind ignorance, either way this life is confusing, even after you think you’ve figured it all out at the age of 28 and that your unbreakable because you got a couple of thousands in the bank, your not!, believe me when I say the less you have the richer in life you are able to feel.
I’ve feasted out of bins better then any banquet meal.
A young introduction to these ideals has lead me around the world exploring each corner of this globe, though I have never planned where I will go, what I’ll do, just simply let life do its thing, and accept the guidance from some universal energy.
I have found myself whether in mental or physical state, exploring and enduring the capabilities of our being, Through this I have been given strength in the true sense of ourselves, learning many lessons through applying action! whether your feeling lost, or you have found your confidence, try to understand that you need one side of a spectrum to have control and power over the other, I am yet to decide whether I agree with the Buddha and other such faiths and religions, that I must avoid and extinguish all suffering in my life as without having sex, without drinking or enducing drugs, if you never trip and hit the ground, break a bone, break a rule!, how will you ever know the real path the Buddha walked to find enlightenment in himself, if promiscuous sex taught me anything its that nothing is more important then true love, if pushing the boundaries of my mind on drugs has taught me anything its that you don’t need these drugs to be high, drinking copious amounts of alcohol, we all knows how it feels in the morning, and vise versa, without ever indulging in sin how are you able to find respect and void judgment in your life, without ever waking up in the gutter, how is it you can find true empathy for humanity and see there’s a lot out people out there who just need a helping hand.
For those with ‘everything’ safely locked inside your home, for those of you, the consumerists, working ridiculous hours, wasting time for a paycheck to buy material things to feel a sense of worth in their existence.
A lot of people/friends that I have met, I don’t think are really happy, and those I know, I know aren’t really happy.
I don’t think having those dollars in the bank is worth stressing about your time and self leisure. Money doesn’t have to control lives or affect anything, there are some beautiful inspiring minds out there who have worked hard and taken the course of there life with an open mind, not those who see and speak only money money money.
I have met a lot of people on my path and can see the life behind their eyes, as you can recognize the sadness and longing in the others.
its not those millions that will bring true happiness, spending and spending to have everything and to show too everyone, maybe you fortune is made from something of genuine love and that shines in your work, glows in your face!, though I can see with my own eyes a lot are probably working the same job for years, enduring the same mundane routine, dedicating vast amounts of time to work and study, how is it you truly know what you are meant to do straight out of high school, after having your life controlled for you for the first 18 years? then spending the next 6-7 years building up a nice portfolio and a masters degree? How do you know yourself!
You do realize that the worlds going to be run my robots in the next 20 years, that’s if this planet hasn’t died out already from our incompetence to give a fuck about our mother earth, where are the jobs for those millions with there engineering and law degrees, all suddenly inept due to the sheer population of the world having the same set of skills!, all struggling to find a position in which they can say they’re happy, the job that you where destined to succeed, not just end up flipping burgers or pouring drinks for the rest of this precious life. this scares the absolute shit out of me.
50 years later your assisting self service checkouts at the supermarket!
And that’s really just the beginning.
I must write these words out into the world, before this already mass epidemic of confusion and depression grows any larger, the worlds population and myself equally included into all the chaos! hopefully I and those who share my mind, those that have inspired and are inspiring such belief systems, having the proof inside there smiles, hopefully We can provide some insight and make a change.
We must find happiness, and if happiness seems farfetched rephrase such a term with balance.
We must find balance in our self and our emotions, we must become aware and accept what we feel deep. Are you happy? how are you feeling after everything you have just read? are you in neutral terms in sense of feeling or do you find yourself trying to justify your own happiness, if you find yourself trying to justify these words then I guarantee deep down there’s something you are missing, and it’s a possibility that you are quite aware you are in search for something more, some answer to a question that’s rattled the brain for years.
I guess if your interested in making change, being inspired to live a life any from the expectations of our conditioned society then stay aware and keep reading on, how ever long this rambling continues and I shall let you into a life of self discovery and ultimately finding a balance between the darkness in the depths of one’s soul and the pure light life shines, that charges the other.